[REVIEW] CASTLE S06E17 - IN THE BELLY OF THE BEAST

Dear Rick,

Many things went through my head during this episode. Half of them, or more, I still cannot absorb. I do not really know what to think, write or say. This episode sucked me the air that I thought I still had to breathe in this wonderful season. This episode came quietly, took their place between my 5 favorite episodes of Castle. Took the place of the best episode of the season. Took my tears. And mainly Stana took the episode to her. Soon, all that belongs to her. Perfect can not describe the flawless and brilliant performance that only she could give to the show.

                                                          

I don’t know how much time I have, even to write this letter.

I could start talking about the cute and magical moment of a normal couple. An ordinary couple, enjoying the day off. Choosing fonts for letters to a normal "set the date". A typical couple who want to enjoy the day off in pajamas at two o'clock in the afternoon, reading newspaper. A couple who wants to enjoy each other. A typical couple, about to marry.

But I can't talk about a normal couple. I can't because she speaks russian fluently and everyone saw what happens when he is not with her. I cannot speak in a normal couple because love for each other is beyond of absurdity. I can't talk about a normal couple, because Caskett transcends any kind of normalcy.

What I do know now, is that I’m in this and the only way I’m gonna make it out alive is to see this through.

When Beckett was working undercover, without commenting anything with Castle and a guy pointed a gun at her in the elevator everyone knew something would go wrong and that, most likely, the fans would die with a collective heart attack. And it was no different. Beckett is a trained detective. According to our beloved Roy, the best he had ever seen. And she even within the sea of impossibilities finds her way to leave clues for the NYPD, so them could find her. Even dead. She goes on digging, every inch, every millimeter. Each point that could seem empty. She leaves her tracks, she remains calm. She keep being Beckett. This Beckett who we adopt  and that hurts deep in our heart when anything happens to her.

I can't be impartial because my love and admiration for Stana everyone already knows. She is not from this world and when people ask me why I love her so much I can think more than a hundred reasons. But when I watch this show and see her in action all I can think is: Just a fantastic actress like her, who gives herself, body and soul for what she do, and loves what she does, could leave us breathless and  ungrounded in every single scene. I didn't breathe. I was stuck with our little Kate. I was drowning in my feelings and all I wanted was to take her in his arms and take her from there. Stana, once again, made a show a part of everything. She is the soul of this show no matter what the others say. She is the heart of the show. She is the heart of fandom who pulsating and scream inside a screen. It is the deepest love of the fandom personified.

I’m sure everyone is looking for me and if they figure out I was here, 
CSU is gonna search this house. 

The case was more than perfect. Everything that happened there, I was just thinking: This can't be real. This isn't happening! I wasn't  thinking, I didn't breathe, I didn't... Nothing. I was too engrossed thinking about how Beckett would come out alive. But she was doing well. I was doing well. I was holding so she was. And then I collapsed. Facing a small gesture, a small giant gesture of love I collapsed. She wrote a letter. The letter. And I can not explain the effect of it on me.

Beckett survived. And I'm not  talking about the episode. I'm talking about her in the course of her life. She was not happy. When in "Knockout" Castle says she could be happy, but she was afraid .. my feeling was different. She doesn't knew how be happy. Beckett since the death of his mother, did not know what was true happiness and when the possibility of being happy with Castle appeared, she was startled. And she took a lot time to accept that she could be happy again. It was four years getting used to the idea and understand with who was her happiness. And then she found happiness. When she says in "Nanny McDead" she is more "of a one and done type" and today she accepts to marry Castle everyone knows what it means.

They’re gonna look for blood and they will find it. 

Which will lead them to this letter.

She discovered what is happiness and she liked it. Today she smiles easily and when she is at risk of life, is about him that she thinks. As we saw in "Still," she is moved by feelings for Rick. They keep her firm, willing to fight. That Beckett of four years ago never would have endured. She didn't had anything to fight for. But today she has. Something called love. Something called future. Today, with Rick at her side, she sees all the wonderful possibilities that the future may hold for her. She can imagine her marriage, her future husband and she realize that this is kind of thing that we should all strive. She can take it. She fights. And she does not collapses.

Everything was going well, Beckett was able to control the situation so far. She had pretended, brightly, that murder who she should commit. Had managed to send clues to the NYPD, had discovered the whole scheme of dirty money. And then he appears.

Babe, it’s your letter and I hope you never have to read this and 

I can tell you all of these things in person.
  

I thought of many people in her past to return. I thought of all the possibilities. Except for this one. Never. I never imagine that Vulcan Simmons would come back. My blood froze. My blood froze and couldn't thinking in nothing else. Everyone knew what was coming next.

Between all  Beckett's enemies, he always was the one I most hated. In Knockdown, my favorite episode of Castle until now, he showed up and my hate for him was greater than I can explain. I couldn't explain what I felt when I saw him, heard his voice and when he said "Detective Beckett" my heart stopped. He, of all, when was the most played dirty with Beckett, with her feelings for Johanna. He always opened her wounds, awakened the darker side of Beckett and always gave me nausea. He plays with Kate, uses Johanna, without pity. He is cruel and enjoys it. "You're just like your momma. Both playing in a world  you don't belong (...) She paid for it with her life. So you will." I wanted  that Beckett could throw him against the interrogation room's glass again. I wanted Roy, who knew his history better than anyone, was with her at the moment. And I wanted someone to do something to make it stop.

I didn't breathe. When the Beckett's air vanished taken by the water, my air went together. But she stood firm, she was adamant; She wanted to fight, she had to fight. And she doesn't show her fear. With the voice without fear, she does not lower her head. The Johanna's daughter honor her mother in every single way. She fights. She has a reason to live. They said Always. And she wants to live and feel this Always.

But if something happens and I don’t make it.

When the idea was to kill her and  make the body disappear, my heart stopped waiting for who in the universe would save her. I never imagined that Elena Markov  would do it. With orders from someone else. With orders from somebody big. With orders from someone above. Someone that when Beckett back to the district, no one knows who would be ... but she knows. She already knew deep inside of her heart. It could only be him.

Bracken. The Senator who ordered her mother's murder. Senator who is using dirty money in the campaign. Senator who we meet in "After the Storm" where Beckett left a little souvenir, on his face, of her existence every time he looked into the mirror. Senator who had a debt to her since "Recoil" when she saved his life. Senator  who today paid what he owed. No more debt. Now it's eye for eye, tooth for tooth. Next time (someone smelling season finale here?) will be the last time. In her dreams, she is the one pulling the trigger. And just wish that, like the dreams of the Castle, her dreams also come true.

                                     I need you to know that our partnership, our relationship

Bracken, Simmons, Beckett and the NYPD. Everything became a war and everyone knows that it entails losses, aches and someone always loses. It is not easy to fight an unequal fight, an unfair fight. A fight where one of the fighters use mask, pretends, manipulates and kills. Without thinking, without pity. Kills because it's what he like.

But the fight is easier when you have the right reasons to fight . Castle was more than worried about Beckett (nothing compared to Target/Hunt , but okay ) , and his distress was evident. He took four years to conquer her . Four years to hear  in "Always" one "I just want you". Five years to hear "Still" she loves him . It's a long time and his love only grew, losing her was not an option for him . He couldn't, we saw it on "Valkyrie", imagine his life without her. And we can say that is reciprocal . When he looks at her chair today, empty, I felt my heart weighing because she own had done it so many times . At all times he was not there, that his chair was empty, she felt. I think, truly, that the chair is just a mark of the presence of each. The heart is empty and weighs without the other on there. It is contradictory , but it is real . The heart weighs because the void of the presence of the someone that isn't there now is so big that and do difficult to endure. Is difficult to maintain .

                                           is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me

He was always with her. In "Tick,Tick,Tick/Boom", there in the season two. In "Countdown" in "Knockdown" in "Knockout" on the shooting, in "Rise" visiting her in the hospital. He was with her when they almost died by a tiger in "Cuffed" or drowned in a car in "Pandora". He was with her when she stood on a bomb. He was with her. Always. And today, he is with her too.

There's some people we carry in our hearts so deeply that we can not separate them from us. It's that magical moment that we expect our entire lifetime to achieve. The moment when two become one. The moment when imagine your future with that person guide you and moves you. That moment when you love someone all the strength of your heart and then fighting is no longer an option. Each beat of your heart, every thought in your head. All of it makes you think at the moments you don't want to miss. He was with her the whole time. End he even from afar, gave her the strength to fight. Things like this gives you strength. It guides you and moves you. Without thinking, just feel.

Beckett escaped alive. But not unscathed. Even someone with extensive experience in the subject does not come out unscathed with brands like that. There are things that mark, which hatch,leave scars. She carries her scars at her chest and another in the soul. The more our little can handle? i'm wonder how long until the " Enough! Enough! I just want to live. I just want to feel safe". We saw an fearless Beckett during the season five (even in Recoil ) and on this season. But now, with all this coming to light , I just admire our detective even more. And you know why? Because I know she will fight and stand firm. I know she will want say "Enough", that she will want to live and feel safe. But she will want it in silent, when she will be fighting and risking everything to achieve that. She is Beckett . And she has Castle. They'll be fine. We'll be fine . Things may seem dark now, but they have been obscure before. They will lighten again. And I know that you, my reader, also knows.

A puzzle settles in the show, a hook for the season finale was armed and my heart need to pass for one check up. A perfect episode that played straight adrenaline in my bloodstream and left me asking more. Wanting more. More Caskett, more about their relationship. More Stana. Wish I had seen as Lanie reacted to all this. Wanted to see more. 41 minutes and 9 seconds was not enough. 41 minutes and 9 seconds seemed like 5.

Thank you Andrew, Thank you Rob (love of my life that once again was perfect, as always), and thank you Stana. Thank you for this care to maintain the essence of the series, keep episodes that take your breath away and you pluck your heart  of the chest. I can not explain what I felt. I can only explain that it was not rational. It was not logical. But it was real.

Thank you for making me feel real and alive. And for showing me that "Even on the worst days there's a possibility for joy."

And I love you with all of my heart. 

Always.”

                                     PROMO S06E18: THE WAY OF THE NINJA

                                                     


PS1: Stana speaking russian is the kind of thing that makes worth  it being alive. Lord, woman!
PS2: For those who do not know, I am part of PodCastle and it was recorded yesterday during the episode. For see our reactions, follows the image. Thanks girls, for helping me stay alive.

PS3: Castle's codename: Babe. And no. I can not handle it
PS4: I don'tt know what to write. I'm just glad I was alive to be able to write this review.
PS5: Penny again. Please, stay. I miss you so much when you isn't there ♥
PS6: I feel sorry for everyone who does not watch Castle and you will never understand what this show means. I feel sorry and nothing else.